Its been a long while since my last entry….A Looooong while, but I’m back! With new experiences and new stories! This entry is about those confusing upset feelings you get about an Ex. At first you hate them, then you think maybe you still love them, you don’t need them but at the same time you do, its all so hard to understand!
So since my last blog entry, I have gotten into another relationship, lasted a good while then ended. And since and throughout that relationship I have experienced so many things mostly because this guy was by far the most different guy and relationship I have ever been in. Not going to discuss everything about this relationship in this entry, going to focus on certain aspects of it in this entry. I’ll break down the relationship in upcoming stories.
So let me tell you about this ex, when I met him I had no intentions to be in a relationship at all, but shortly after meeting him he changed my mind. He is tall, light skinned, has lots of hair, and he is a heavy set dude, but he was just so cute and handsome it didn’t matter, he carried himself well. I fell in love with his personality, he was very easy to talk to, charming and most importantly funny. After seeing each other a couple of times, we decided that we wanted to be together. He was mines and I was his. He used to walk a pretty long walk to meet me at this park on my side of town every night for the first couple of days of our relationship, I remember one night he made us stay up at that park until 7 in the morning, that was the first time in my life I had ever pulled an all nighter and stayed up until the sun actually came up, and it was sweet because he had to be ready for a road trip with his church group at 8, and instead of going home to sleep he chose to be with me all night.
Fast forward, you know how a person doesn’t show who they really are until later in the relationship, at that point they got you, your not just gonna leave them you can accept them for who they are because you love them. Well I learned that he was bipolar, now its okay because he learned he wasn’t the only crazy one in the relationship, I was depressed. The bad thing is, those two problems don’t go well together because one person is always randomly upset and the other person is always randomly sad so we were basically making each other upset all the time because we couldn’t understand each others emotions. We went through some fights but we worked on ways to handle each other.
We introduced each other to each others friends, hung out with them daily, we went out everyday with each other, at this point things were perfect, I was in love with him. But actually things were not perfect, he was not in love with me and he had let me know that he had no intentions to be in love with me…..blah blah blah…..religious views…..blah blah blah…..okay, I understood what he was trying to say because he believed that he would be with a woman in the future, so I put aside what I wanted, to be loved, just so I can be with him but the thing was he wasn’t making it worth it, we argued everyday, he got mad at me for saying things he believed were “stupid”, he no longer did the sweet things he used to do, he started to neglect me and he put me back into my depression (I will discuss my depression in a later entry). After a 3rd major fight, I decided I had enough and we made it official that we were over. We came to common grounds and understood we could not get back together and we can be friends.
Since our breakup, I have gotten over my depression, I am much more happier with myself, and I have no hopes of ever getting back with him, not that he was terrible, just because I understand that we were not meant for each other, we both wanted different things, we have different mindsets and we too often butt heads with each other, and even though I am over him, and I know that I do not want him, I feel like I need him some how.
He is the first ex I’ve ever felt like this for, I said before he is the most different relationship I’ve been in because no matter how much we fought, I was really in love with him. We were two very different people that couldn’t stay away from each other. From the story above, you can tell that as much as we made each other mad we couldn’t stay mad at each other for long, so that is one explanation of why I feel like I still need him some how, I’m not mad at him….completely. He is an asshole, and always will be, you just can’t change that about him.
In one of my previous blogs I’ve mentioned that I have a harder time ending friendships than I do ending relationships. I don’t know why, in a way friends are more important to me than any boyfriend. So with that being said, my ex told me that we would still be friends and that he was there for me, now remember when I said that he is an asshole and you can never change that about him? I wasn’t just talking about in a relationship, I assure you that 80% of the people he knows would agree that he is an asshole, but you can’t blame it completely on him, he is bipolar and he has a certain way of thinking where most times he only sees things his way. So sometimes I would text him and he would actually text back then other times he put no effort, well the last time I texted him I was in the hospital for a lung infection and he couldn’t care less that I was in the hospital. It was like he got over me more than he should have, I was less than a friend, I was a stranger. Then that is where I realized how much of an ass he is (bitter side of me talking). And I told him off, told him the complete truth about him. But he wasn’t being the friend he promised me he would be, and thats all I wanted because honestly I believe our relationship was a failure and I believe that our friendship would make up for it, now I didn’t expect us to be best friends or to talk all the time but I expect that when we did talk that thats what we would actually “talk”, not treat me like I was nobody.
But he taught me that I should get over people, because they are not always who lets be honest “who you want them to be”, I wanted him to love me, he wouldn’t, I wanted him to be my friend, forget it. But that’s the thing I felt I needed from him, his friendship. I just have to let that go, gonna take me some time though. But I have overcome so much, I will go on and be happy.
So everybody has that ex that they know they don’t want or need, but that ex just has something they you wish you still had. It may be hard to understand what exactly it is because you have all that anger and denial standing in the way, but you will eventually understand like I did. If you can manage to work things out and get it, that’s great but if not, at least you realized what it was and now you can move on. And I’m Out.
This entry is by request on the topic of ex’s who tend to want you back when they see you with another person. It’s a baffling idea how a person could say they no longer want anything to do with you but the day they see you in the arms of another person they all of a sudden take back every single word they said. Reasons for this change of heart:
2) They never thought they would see you be happy without them.
3) They miss you.
4) The epiphany, they finally realize what they had when they see somebody else with it.
5) Still getting over the breakup.
By now your probably thinking, JRodLover’s ex’s never fail to make it to his blog stories, well here’s another example with one of my ex’s. My second ex broke-up with me just because he was upset about how I complained that he did not talk enough when he called me and he was caught up in the moment and revealed he got a new boyfriend, now he did not think out nothing, he just went and did things out of anger. Later that day, I began talking to a guy who would eventually be my next boyfriend, he knew everything that was going on, my ex the same guy who dumped me called me and said he wanted me back, forget his new man he wanted me. Now I did miss him but I told him I was talking to this other guy, when I told him who, he just blew up into anger, now he really wanted me back, he was begging and threatening the other guy, it was a mess. At the end I knew I just wasn’t some old toy that you decide when ever you want to play with, my ex ended up not getting me back and losing his new boyfriend the following week, and I got with a better man who appreciated me more.
That ex had a bit of every reason an ex would want a person back when they see them with somebody else.
When it comes to jealousy, an ex may be jealous that you are in a new relationship and they are not or sometimes they may not be jealous of you they could be jealous of your new love interest because that person is doing everything they used to do with you, your ex probably don’t want you back at all its sometimes just the jealousy is making them feel like they want you back. And if they do get you back just because of that jealousy, its really gonna be the same relationship it was before and they will remember why they left you in the first place, its a waste of time for both you and your ex.
Sometimes an ex never think they would have ever seen you happy with out them, they expected you to be miserable with out them or not as happy with another person than you were with them. It’s another part of the jealousy. I will admit I have been hurt a little bit after seeing an ex being happy with their new boyfriend but I know that I do not want them back, I’m not selfish I do want them to be happy, but its just those little memories that are brought back up when you see somebody else making new memories with your ex. I will also admit, I’m a bit evil and I enjoy knowing my ex’s miss me, my ego needs it. But its never a big deal, they have moved on and I have moved on.
A lot of times you Ex just simply misses you, they see how you hold hands with this new person when you go walking and that reminds them how you and they use to hold hands when you two went walking. They get reminded of memories, and the memories feel so good they want to relive them. And we all have these memories, we all once in a while miss the times we used to share with a person from our past.
"I just had an epiphany…" is something some ex’s may say when they finally realize the mistake they have made in choosing to let you go. Those very memories sometimes can remind them why they loved you, show them the things that they don’t have or do with their new person or any other person they may encounter in life. And those memories are brought up by one person, your new love interest, they are the person your ex wish they could be again, because they want to be with you again.
And finally the main reason most people would want an ex after seeing them with another person is just because they are still getting over the breakup, even if they were the one to breakup with you they still have to get over it. Those memories are still there and fresh, we all have to get over a breakup after we end a relationship. It’s completely normal, when you have the person on one end who got dumped who you would expect to take the breakup hard you also have the one who did the dumping who took it just as hard. All people need to do is take their time after as breakup, don’t rush into another relationship, give yourself time to yourself to get over things and strengthen your emotions. And I’m Out.
Good conversation is needed for any and every relationship, it wouldn’t be much of a relationship if the two people did not talk to each other much. But sadly a lot of people are in relationships that aren’t much of a relationship because they do not converse with each other much or the conversations just seem to be weak. I for a fact will admit I am one of these people who have been in relationships where the conversations needed much improvement, out of 5 relationships I’ve been in not including my current relationship, I’ve only been in one where we had strong and steady conversations. All the others were weak or started off strong then some how we just had nothing much to say to each other.
To have good conversation in a relationship, there has to be a common interest or at least just an interest in what ever each of you have to say, people tend to say more when they are interested in what one another have to say, many thoughts and opinions will appear in the mind, just like they would appear in a reader’s mind as they read this blog, and they will share what they think of what the other person just had to say. And with that both people must develop a consideration for what each other will have to say, this is how an interest in what the other has to say can develop if you have no common interest on the topic of what the other is talking about. When you consider what they have to say your also showing consideration for their feelings.
In my first relationship, the only relationship with good conversation, we considered what one another had to say because really we had no common interest in what we had to say to each other most of the time, we liked very different things, he was a video game geek so he LOVED talking about video games, I always talked about music and what was going on in the media, we were not big on the topic of what each other loved, but we knew we were different and we understood to build an interest in what each other liked. So we will ask each other about things we weren’t really into but knew that the other would be, just to show that we listened to each other, and we learned from each other some things we would have never known if we never payed attention.Without that me and my first ex would have been very bored throughout our relationship, we wouldn’t have even made it through just talking to each other as friends when we first met.
Unlike that relationship, I’ve had 2 right after that where we did have a common interest, we loved the same music, had the same hobbies, and things like that but the conversations were weak. I could say that it was all on their part because I always made sure I showed interest in what they had to say but they really didn’t do the same for me. I’ve received a lot of one word responses to everything I’ve had to say, in fact to this date I hate the term “wow" and the letter "K" because that’s what one of my ex’s said to every single thing I had to say.
Me: “Baby I had a crazy day today, my friend almost got hit by car while we were walking.”
You would have expected him to say “wow” to that one. That just drove me crazy, it was like he had programmed a set list of words to use when he had nothing to say, which would mean he hardly ever had anything to say unless we were talking about something he was talking about and even then as soon as I responded back he will just later end it with “Kk”. The strange thing is that as much as my ex’s hardly said anything when we talked they always wanted to talk to me, I could not understand. But now I understand that they never really tried, and when they did they tried too hard. I would mention it to them and when they tried to say things, they thought too hard on what to say and when its too hard to find something to say, they can’t find anything to say, and what comes out their mouths when there’s nothing to say? “Kk”.
Now my 4th ex, we had a common interest and we actually talked to each other when we had something to say, the problem was that we hardly talked at all to each other. We tried to bring up things to talk about but it just came across awkward and unnatural, neither one of us were fans of the “okay” and “yea” one word responses so we avoided that by simply not speaking until we really had something to say. We had a common interest but not that much of an interest in each other and really an interest in each other is the most needed interest for every relationship. And you have to keep that interest to never lose contact, for those relationships that end, you can still have a friendship because you still have an interest in each other, it may not be a romantic interest there’s still that interest.
Some people may lose that interest in a person after a breakup because maybe the love they had for that person during that relationship was the only thing that kept you interested in them, like how I was with my 2nd ex, after we broke up I realized that I had no interest in him and his silly antics were no help either so I had to completely let go of him. A person may also lose interest in their ex because they get distracted by love, they have become more interested in love than in that person or anybody really. As soon as they fall “in love” with somebody else its as if they never had any common interest with you or any interest in you.
And I’m not saying I’m Mr. Perfect either, I need improvement on my conversation skills too. But we all do, so learn to be more open to what others have to say and just because you have a common interest with a person that does not mean you have an interest in that person. And I’m Out.
#2 BROADCASTING: I'll call you when I'm single again.
I get a text from my friend about how he is upset about a guy he was texting, I asked him what happened, he told me that the guy was somebody who wanted to start talking to him again after a breakup he just got through, before this the guy hasn’t spoken to my friend since he got in the relationship, my friend did not appreciate that. Automatically this reminded me of what I was discussing in my previous blog entry "Ex’s can’t be friends…." how my ex suggested that he may not be able to hang out with me during my birthday because he “Has a MAN now” and that brought me to 1 of 2 possible conclusions, which was that since he had found somebody else he has chosen to completely forget about me, there was no longer any reason for him to associate with me. So with that situation I had and the situation my friend has that brings me to today’s topic, “Why is love the only thing that keeps a friendship going for some people?”.
There are people who only seem to be friends with a person because they find a romantic liking to that person, a lot of the time they sense a bit of an interest in them from that person too. So this is how it works boy likes girl, girl likes boy, boy flirts with girl, then girl flirts with boy, boy meets new girl falls in love and forgets all about the old girl, old girl loses a friend, after a few weeks boy falls out of love and comes back to old girl to start the cycle again or girl falls for new boy, old boy leaves girl alone until girl is single again. (Feel free to change the gender roles to how it would suit you, in my case it would be “boy likes boy”).
It seems that all these people want is love even if they were first just looking for friendship, once their mind is set on love that becomes the goal. And no matter how many times they fail and say they give up on love (whether its love completely or loving a person who they can’t have) they always jump up for the first opportunity that comes along.
Common Problems of these people:
A) Fall in love easily (They will fall for the first person who is nice to them. Usually is the reason of disappointment when they can’t be with that person and decide to leave them alone.)
B) Moves too fast (As soon as you compliment them, that becomes a signal for them to start calling you “Baby”.)
C) Moves too slow (They usually miss out on the person they want because they spend too much time flirting instead of making that first move that could be the beginning of something good.)
D) They don’t accept options, they depend on one possibility (Its never “lovers” or “friends”, its just “lovers” the possibility at that.
(Here’s an example of the person who gives up on you when you get in a relationship, you can get a good example of the person who gives up on you when they get into a relationship in my last entry about my Ex.) I met this guy on a dating site, at the time I was already dating somebody I was committed too and I was only looking for friends to hang out with, this guy finds my profile and tells me of his interest in me, I was flattered but I had to tell him that I was in a relationship, he told me that he respected that and he was cool with that and he would still like to continue talking to me. We texted each other for the rest of that night, he was really cool and funny, very friendly as well. The next day I hear nothing from him so the following day I text him and he responds back “Yeah, sorry been busy at work…”, I told him it was cool and we started texting again this time there was a change in the tone of the conversation, on his part, he started to sound frustrated with me which I did not understand since it was just a normal conversation, he wasn’t busy when were texting because he told me to text him at that time. After that, I did not here from him any longer. A couple of months when I posted I was officially single again on Facebook, I get a text message from him, “Hey, how are you? I miss you!”, leaving me confused because he was the one who stopped texting me. But as much as he missed me, he stopped texting again and I realized he will keep doing this.
When I noticed that change in attitude, I realized that it must have been a frustration that I was with somebody, and he felt like he was wasting his time. But he was very cool that first night when he wasn’t sure I was single or not. And that’s the problem with these people, they are so focused on being in love that they don’t want to waste their time with somebody they are not with or can not have, its a factor of that disappointment (Falling in love too easily). And when they find somebody else to love your still a waste of their time because that mindset of “Being In Love” is so strong that you just seem like somebody taking up their time that they can be spending with that other person they “love oh so much”.
They’re so blinded that they think you forget about them dissing you when you or they got into another relationship. They think they can pick up things where they left off and the truth is, its just not that easy and it shouldn’t be. Just like I told my friend about his situation, if that guy can’t be your friend when he has a man then he can’t be your man when he is available again, he may not even be worthy of being your friend.
To all these people who have this need for love, that get so disappointed, you need to STOP, your setting your heart to be broken numerous times. Take your time, meet a number of people and get to know each of them before you decide which one you may really like. And don’t completely turn your back on those who you end up not dating whether they become taken or you do, because when you both are single again, that person will not want to be bothered with you just like when you did not want to be bothered with them when you were taken or they were taken. Keep in good contact with people, stay on their good side, that way you have a possibility of love in the future or just a good friend now.
(ALTHOUGH THIS MAY BE ABOUT A SPECIFIC PERSON, THIS BLOG IS NOT TO PUT DOWN ANYBODY, JUST MY HONEST FEELINGS.)
So last night I text my ex to discuss plans for my birthday and things to do when I come back to Miami because we were still cool after our break up, he was somebody I believe was very mature and down to earth. And we talked about hanging out before, in fact during my break he told me how he can’t wait for me to come back so we can chill, I was like cool we can do that.
Tell me how he texts me “Well I don’t know, I got a man now.” 1st thing that came to mind was “What does that have to do with anything?” What happened to 3 weeks ago when you couldn’t wait for us to “chill”? When you had no man it was cool to “hang” out with me, but now you can’t?
I’m in a relationship too now myself but I still would like to be around my friends with my ex being one of them. Now he did not say that his “Man” told him he can’t or that he is jealous or don’t know if he would be okay with us hanging out, which would have been completely understanding. But he didn’t which leads me to believe that either he was being immature and trying to see if I would be jealous to hear that hes in another relationship or that now that he has somebody else I’m no longer worthy of being his friend.
If he was trying to see if I was jealous, then he was completely wasting his time because I’m not, first of all I already knew he was in a relationship and was nothing but happy for him, his boyfriend looks like a cute match for him if I do say so myself. Second I am in a relationship myself and I am happy with who I am with. And third honestly I have no urges to repeat any of the relationships I have been in, Before this little situation occurred I would say he was the only good relationship but I don’t really see myself coming back to him again, and believe me he was a good boyfriend he is cute, was good to talk to, he wanted the best, and I honestly did love him with all my heart but things just faded and I don’t want to be apart of something that will just fade again, I also believe that I just have to keep moving forward with my life and invite other people into it that can bring something of their own to the plate. But if I would take back any of my ex’s it would be him, he was real….during our relationship.
Now if he decided that just because he has a new man in his life that he no longer wants to associate with me then that’s fine, he could have at least been straight up and just have told me that he really don’t find interest in continuing with talking to me, that would have been hurtful but it would have separated him from every other jerk who decide to go ghost on a dude when they or I get into a relationship. I said that its okay if he felt that way, but I do not agree with that being a mature act, as adults we should know that our past have nothing to do with our friendship, our relationships, or our future.
I am the same person I was when we met, dated, and broke up, so I don’t understand why he wants to completely forget me, maybe its something that goes deeper for him that only he knows. I will never clearly know his intentions cause he never explains himself to me. It could be possible that I am in the complete wrong and he really never had any intentions to make me feel bad but because he chooses to not express his self to me, that is just how it will be.
I wish him and his current nothing but the best, he deserves a good relationship. And I’m Out.