I get a text from my friend about how he is upset about a guy he was texting, I asked him what happened, he told me that the guy was somebody who wanted to start talking to him again after a breakup he just got through, before this the guy hasn’t spoken to my friend since he got in the relationship, my friend did not appreciate that. Automatically this reminded me of what I was discussing in my previous blog entry “Ex’s can’t be friends….” how my ex suggested that he may not be able to hang out with me during my birthday because he “Has a MAN now” and that brought me to 1 of 2 possible conclusions, which was that since he had found somebody else he has chosen to completely forget about me, there was no longer any reason for him to associate with me. So with that situation I had and the situation my friend has that brings me to today’s topic, “Why is love the only thing that keeps a friendship going for some people?”.
There are people who only seem to be friends with a person because they find a romantic liking to that person, a lot of the time they sense a bit of an interest in them from that person too. So this is how it works boy likes girl, girl likes boy, boy flirts with girl, then girl flirts with boy, boy meets new girl falls in love and forgets all about the old girl, old girl loses a friend, after a few weeks boy falls out of love and comes back to old girl to start the cycle again or girl falls for new boy, old boy leaves girl alone until girl is single again. (Feel free to change the gender roles to how it would suit you, in my case it would be “boy likes boy”).
It seems that all these people want is love even if they were first just looking for friendship, once their mind is set on love that becomes the goal. And no matter how many times they fail and say they give up on love (whether its love completely or loving a person who they can’t have) they always jump up for the first opportunity that comes along.
Common Problems of these people:
A) Fall in love easily (They will fall for the first person who is nice to them. Usually is the reason of disappointment when they can’t be with that person and decide to leave them alone.)
B) Moves too fast (As soon as you compliment them, that becomes a signal for them to start calling you “Baby”.)
C) Moves too slow (They usually miss out on the person they want because they spend too much time flirting instead of making that first move that could be the beginning of something good.)
D) They don’t accept options, they depend on one possibility (Its never “lovers” or “friends”, its just “lovers” the possibility at that.
(Here’s an example of the person who gives up on you when you get in a relationship, you can get a good example of the person who gives up on you when they get into a relationship in my last entry about my Ex.) I met this guy on a dating site, at the time I was already dating somebody I was committed too and I was only looking for friends to hang out with, this guy finds my profile and tells me of his interest in me, I was flattered but I had to tell him that I was in a relationship, he told me that he respected that and he was cool with that and he would still like to continue talking to me. We texted each other for the rest of that night, he was really cool and funny, very friendly as well. The next day I hear nothing from him so the following day I text him and he responds back “Yeah, sorry been busy at work…”, I told him it was cool and we started texting again this time there was a change in the tone of the conversation, on his part, he started to sound frustrated with me which I did not understand since it was just a normal conversation, he wasn’t busy when were texting because he told me to text him at that time. After that, I did not here from him any longer. A couple of months when I posted I was officially single again on Facebook, I get a text message from him, “Hey, how are you? I miss you!”, leaving me confused because he was the one who stopped texting me. But as much as he missed me, he stopped texting again and I realized he will keep doing this.
When I noticed that change in attitude, I realized that it must have been a frustration that I was with somebody, and he felt like he was wasting his time. But he was very cool that first night when he wasn’t sure I was single or not. And that’s the problem with these people, they are so focused on being in love that they don’t want to waste their time with somebody they are not with or can not have, its a factor of that disappointment (Falling in love too easily). And when they find somebody else to love your still a waste of their time because that mindset of “Being In Love” is so strong that you just seem like somebody taking up their time that they can be spending with that other person they “love oh so much”.
They’re so blinded that they think you forget about them dissing you when you or they got into another relationship. They think they can pick up things where they left off and the truth is, its just not that easy and it shouldn’t be. Just like I told my friend about his situation, if that guy can’t be your friend when he has a man then he can’t be your man when he is available again, he may not even be worthy of being your friend.
To all these people who have this need for love, that get so disappointed, you need to STOP, your setting your heart to be broken numerous times. Take your time, meet a number of people and get to know each of them before you decide which one you may really like. And don’t completely turn your back on those who you end up not dating whether they become taken or you do, because when you both are single again, that person will not want to be bothered with you just like when you did not want to be bothered with them when you were taken or they were taken. Keep in good contact with people, stay on their good side, that way you have a possibility of love in the future or just a good friend now.
Friendship IS an option. And I’m Out.